Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
