Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
