I seem to have left my pride at pride
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she told me i tasted like america
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
