but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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