My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There r osticjed everywhere
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
