Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize