took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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