So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
