two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
