my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
