she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
