So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
