Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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