I want to have your abortion
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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