He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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