i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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