Yo dont text me then not text me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
