just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
