If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize