Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
