There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
