In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
