Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
