I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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