Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hippo gnu deer
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
