Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
