The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
