If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
