before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
