Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
