i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
