Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
