The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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