Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
