I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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