well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am naked and annoyed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
