Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
