woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
