I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
