I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
