1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
