Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
