Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
