Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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