Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
