Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The feeling are messing with the penis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize