can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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