I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
