My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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