To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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