I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
