she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have aggressive nipples.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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