4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
