It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
