I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.