So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem