Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".