i just had sex bonerless
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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