Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
