There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
