seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
