Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
