oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
