all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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