who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
