if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
