What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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