why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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