I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
