1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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