direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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