Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
