My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
