I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
