I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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