There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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