she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
